Lost and confused

I feel weary and sometimes so down that I would rather kill myself.
It seems that I'm tired of and I hate everything of my life and always in the middle of attempting to get out of it, but just faling into an even worse one and then the cycle would carry on till I fall apart.
I hate doing research about something I don't really know, or maybe I just hate doing research. It's not that since I hate it, I just stop doing it, but that it could be the only option left, let alone that it could be the best one for I would hate my job even more than I hate research if I had one.
For reasons I can't account for, my life has been screwed up.
All the king's horses, all the king's men, can never pull my heart together.
People say it is the curse of the fortune the warrior of which was an evil dragon turned from an evil giant. So I got the curse, but where is my fortune?
"And when no hope was left in sight, in that starry starry night, you took your life like lovers often do. But I could have told you, Vincent,This world was never meant for oneAs beautiful as you".